hello i m listening to rilo.k.accidental death..i feel like death myself..there is an anger in me and i want to kill it..but i dont know how...but its slowly killing me...
well hello confusion,self pity,tears that are dying to break out,bleakness,apathy....it is the biggest sin to kill the spirit while u live...somebody said ..something like this ...must be ..could be, i forgot..hello losing memory...
well i hate my job..the politics make me wannna puke.. it doesent help that i m dying to loose my job but who will pay my bills then?money does make the world go around and plus i have to eat all those wonderful things like the white rice i cant do without,pork pickle,bitter gourd,egg soup,creamy tom yum noodle(ff)those delicious chocolate pastries and souffles...ya..so i need to keep working my ass off n listen to those bitches at work..i guess this is what life is about..all these things shape the way your life goes...i am talking as if i live below the poverty line but being blessed with loving parents,boyfriend and frens,things are not so bad ya but right now i am going mad and evyrday i deteriorate..in spirit..mum says i should talk to jesus and he will listen to my troubles but living and breathing the faithless air we all do,my zeal has disappeared..
o life with all your colorful suprises...
reading this whole lot of crap,ppl might think i am depressed ..i am not...i am just tired...cuz hope burns eternal in the human mind and i am made of the same mud...
full of optimism,i march forward only to fall and fall hoping that one day i will rise again..like the cliched phoenix...
like james dean said ''Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today'' ..so am trying to do just that..tho i wouldnt think he would be the right candidate to guide me in my state of confusion....atleast he did live life fast n went with a bang
but then i should give credit to j for being my pillar of support and clearing the cobwebs in my head...i love him and that love comes from the deep understanding we have developed over a period of 6 years....
we have to start looking for a new apartment to shift soon..this house is killing me tho its lovely with beautiful creamy walls...my xmas tree is looking so fine but i still have to buy some more stuffs to hang on to the poor thing..it deserves to shine..
crazy but happy too..so dont get me wrong i love myself and the life i have..i shud be thankful ,so on a happy holidays note,i say gnite dearies...my mom,dad,my sweetest j,my fren who is romping away somewhere on a beach,and the crazy ones who are with me...i love u allll muahhhhhh!!!
